Life is...

...still beautiful

[Photo Credit: @ckohlross.photography ]

“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” Joseph Campbell

I am sat here, feeling a little bit overwhelmed, but kind of slowly absorbing a sense of peace, of release, of calm…

I will always be devastated that my marriage collapsed, and angry with him for giving up on us, but I realise that all the time I lived within that safe space, I never challenged any of the things that made me so sad because, we were married, for better, for worse… So I just accepted my life as it was, and didn´t complain, until it all got too much, and I felt so worthless and so invisible and then, me suddenly asking for what I wanted and not simply agreeing to let life be, was what caused the cascade of emotions that resulted in the relationship trickling into nothingness.

So what now?

Well, after a week of acceptance and readjustment, it´s time to take action. I have already started to clear the place up (trust me, it´s a mammoth task, and months´ worth of work before the house and garden are all up together and pretty again), but now I need to really focus on a plan of action.

It´s easy to feel overwhelmed, but I am fully aware that overwhelm will not help me get things done, in fact, if I succumb, I won´t actually achieve anything. It´s just not so easy to decide where to begin…

So, following silent advice from my animals, I have decided to take it one step at a time, and allow myself moments of reflection and peace in amongst all the chaos.

I actually had a bit of a life lesson early this morning. Two out of my four dogs, Menuda and Zoe, were out in the garden stretching their legs after a restful night´s sleep, and suddenly I heard them both barking incessantly. I went outside to see what they were barking at, and mildly chastised them for barking at a cat that I couldn´t see, which I presumed was the other side of the fence. When I let Zoe back out twenty minutes later, she was immediately back in the same spot. I tried again also with Menuda - and it was the same thing exactly…

That was the point when I finally gave myself the brain-space within my hectic early morning routine to listen to what my dogs were telling me, and search further outside the immediate vicinity to find whoever or whatever it was that they were barking at.

This morning, Zoe and Menuda unknowingly helped me save a hedgehog´s life, which is a pretty special thing considering what a fragile species these little spiky beings are.

Because, on closer inspection, I saw a rather large adult hedgehog was stuck in the wire fencing that surrounds my house. It had tried to get through one of the diamond shapes in the wire and got stuck with its head and front legs this side of the fence and its bigger body the other side. It hurt my heart to see the poor thing so desperately helpless and exposed and hurting. No, I don´t have a photo, although the thought flashed through my head. Who have humanity turned into when they pause a moment to take an Instagram-worthy shot of the tragedy before they try to help? Sorry, not me.

I grabbed some gloves and a piece of sponge that Jacob, my puppy, had thoughtfully ripped out of the mattress bed in the garden in case of such an emergency, and managed to push the hedgehog back through. He collapsed, exhausted, into a prickly little ball the other side of my fence and I prayed that he would be okay. When I got back from running with Zoe half an hour later, he had gone. Between us, Zoe, Menuda and I saved a life this morning, yet my immediate first reaction was to dismiss the dogs as making mischief or being naughty.

If I hadn´t opened my ears and my mind and my eyes, and actually paid attention to what my two darling girls were trying to tell me, that sweet, innocent hedgehog would have lost it´s life today in a terrible way. Just the thought of that breaks my heart.

So here´s the eye-opener to pay attention, not to assume; to listen, not just hear; and to see, not just look… and to never to dismiss what our animals are telling us. We are actually so very far from being the superior species, and we could learn so much from these incredibly beautiful, intuitive beings, that live life with their hearts and senses first and foremost, and literally reserve thinking as an afterthought, much of the time.

A bit of a stark reminder to actually live, and not just be. Let´s not get so caught up in racing through life, that we miss all the intricately woven, beautifully colourful detail. How about we remind ourselves each and every single day to actually FEEL life?

Now that´s a thought to ponder whilst we cast aside doubt and procrastination and all the overwhelming busy-ness. A consideration worth taking the time to observe and react to.

So how about we pull on our biggest smile, thank our God for our Blessings and wear that smile with pride and love, whilst actually striving to make a difference, not just to our own life, but also by brightening up that of others.